REPLAY: Mental Load, Mom Guilt & Quitting Breastfeeding Without the Shame with Dr. Sanam Shamtobi

We have had Dr. S on twice in a row now, and every single time my DMs fill up with the same thing — where do I start with her, what was the first one, send me that episode. So this week I am bringing it back. This is the very first conversation I ever had with Dr. Sanam Shamtobi, before she was a regular around here, and it still holds up.

Here is the thing about this one: I came in with a breastfeeding question. That was it. I was six months postpartum, exclusively pumping with a toddler and a newborn, completely over it, and feeling guilty for being over it. And I left with a completely different way of thinking about mom guilt, identity, and why the mental load feels so invisible to the people we live with.

She also said the three words I could not say to myself. I asked if I was allowed to stop breastfeeding just because I wanted to, and she looked at me and said that wanting to stop is exactly the reason to stop. I have thought about that a hundred times since. If you are new here, start with this one. If you were here in May, it hits different now that you know her.

In this episode we get real about:

Why partners are not clueless, they just need a different kind of direction (Dr. S literally makes handouts for husbands in therapy)

The mental load, and why it is so hard to explain to someone who is not carrying it

The "just a mom" identity crisis, and why the mom hat is less of a hat and more of a tattoo on your brain

Whether dads love their kids the same way we do, and the biology underneath it

Wanting to quit pumping at six months, and the permission I did not know I needed

Matrescence, the word somebody should have taught all of us

Why mom guilt will always find a new target no matter what you do

Momma, you can be completely done with something and still love your kid more than anything on earth. Both are true. Neither one cancels the other out. Thank god it's not just us.