Are Your Emotions Holding You Back - MAC159

It's 11:40 on a Tuesday night, and you are not asleep.

You're replaying a sentence. Your skip-level said it around two-fifteen that afternoon, in a meeting with five other people in it: "Let's make sure we're being realistic about that timeline." You've run it back maybe forty times since. Tried it with the emphasis on realistic. Tried it on that. Drafted three replies you're never going to send. Somewhere around the thirtieth replay, you picked up your phone, which is how it got to be 11:40.

So here's a question worth sitting with: in the nine and a half hours since that sentence was said, what has the worry actually done for you?

That's the question underneath this episode. Not how to get rid of the worry, the fear, the anxiety, the flash of jealousy that shows up when somebody else gets the promotion. Not a case for toughening up, and not permission to leave your feelings at the door. What follows is a sort — a way to run any of those feelings through two questions and come out the other side knowing whether it's something to act on or something you can honestly put down.

Feeling It vs. Carrying It

Start with what this isn't. It isn't an argument for becoming a cold, unfeeling operator at work. In years of managing people, the ones who insisted they didn't feel anything about their jobs were usually the ones feeling the most — just quietly, and at their own expense.

Emotions at work are normal, and they're useful. Stress As A Signal, Not A Symptom (MAC-146) made the case that stress is information before it's a problem; the same holds for the rest of the list. Worry, fear, anxiety, jealousy — every one of them is pointing at something. The trouble starts when you don't follow where it points.

Alice Boyes, a former clinical psychologist, wrote a piece for Harvard Business Review on what anxiety does to us at work, and the list is specific: it makes you misjudge what other people think of you, it makes you defensive about feedback, it makes you see the risk in a new idea before you see anything else, and it makes you avoid the situations that would actually move your work forward. Notice that none of those is the feeling itself — every one is a behavior. The anxiety doesn't cost you the stretch assignment. Avoiding the stretch assignment does.

So here's the distinction worth carrying forward: there's feeling an emotion, and there's carrying one. Feeling it is the part that happens to you — the jolt in the meeting, the sting when you read the email