How to Make Difficult Feedback Actually Stick

In this episode of The Leaders Kitbag, I want to pick up somewhere most conversations about feedback stop: the moment after someone's taken it on board and actually improved.

I was coaching a senior leader recently. She had a team member whose performance wasn't where it needed to be. She'd tried giving feedback before, nothing really changed, and she'd been putting off having the conversation again. Sound familiar?

We talked through how to approach it. She had the conversation. And when we next caught up, she told me it had gone well; the person's performance had genuinely improved.

But here's the bit I want to focus on, because it's the part most leaders skip.

I challenged her to go further: to accentuate the progress, reaffirm what the person was now doing well, and actively look for the chance to ‘catch them doing things right.’

As leaders, we're naturally wired to focus on what's wrong. That's most of the job: spotting the gap and closing it. Which means it's easy to miss what's going well, especially straight after a difficult conversation.

So put yourself in the employee's shoes for a second. You've been told something isn't good enough. You've taken it on board. You've worked hard to change it. And your boss says... nothing. Or a cursory “thanks.”

What's that likely to do to your motivation? For a lot of people, it's “I did what you asked, and I got zero recognition for it.” That's not a leader building trust. That's a leader quietly undoing the progress they just fought to get.

In this episode, you will learn:

Why a feedback conversation can stall even after it's gone wellThe habit that quietly undoes the progress you've just fought to getWhy leaders are wired to spot problems rather than progressHow to reinforce change so it actually sticksThe one specific thing to do this week when someone acts on feedback you've given them

Ben's Key Takeaway

Most of leadership is spotting the gap and closing it, so it's natural that we're better at noticing what's wrong than what's going right. But if someone acts on feedback you've given them and hears nothing back, you haven't just missed a moment. You've undone some of the trust that feedback conversation built in the first place.