#61: Dr. Ramani: The Signs of a Narcissistic Relationship & How Not to Lose Yourself

The word narcissist gets thrown around a lot. But what does narcissism actually look like in a relationship, and what happens to us when we spend too long trying to manage someone else? In this episode of CLOSER, I sit down with clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Ramani Durvasula to unpack narcissism beyond the label: the subtle signs we often miss, why narcissistic people can be so charming to the outside world, and why the people closest to them can have a completely different experience.

We talk about what it feels like to walk on eggshells, to second-guess what you say, to give endlessly but feel unsupported in return, and how, over time, you can begin silencing parts of yourself just to keep the peace. Dr. Ramani also shares why we cannot change another person's narcissism, what healthy boundaries and realistic expectations can look like, and why compassion for someone else should not require abandoning yourself. We explore healing, self-blame, healthy ego, social media, and how we can raise children with a stronger sense of who they are.

One idea from this conversation stayed with me: more than one thing can be true at the same time. You can love someone and still be hurt by them. You can see the good in them and acknowledge that their behaviour may not change. And sometimes, healing begins with seeing the relationship for what it is, rather than continuing to believe that if we just love better, give more, or say the right thing, we can make it different.

Chapters

00:00:00 Introduction

00:01:26 What Is Narcissism, Really?

00:03:57 Narcissism Is a Spectrum

00:06:12 How Dr. Ramani Recognised Narcissism in Her Own Life

00:08:42 What a Narcissistic Relationship Actually Feels Like

00:12:49 Is Social Media Fueling Narcissism?

00:15:16 How to Raise Children With a Strong Sense of Self

00:19:30 Can a Narcissist Actually Change?