Is Your ADHD Kid "Behind"? Why Developmental Delay Is the Wrong Word (And What to Say Instead)

Hey friends, Michelle and Megan here from the Spicy Brain Podcast. This week we are digging into a chapter from The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids that got us both fired up. The book introduces the idea of "developmental delay" as a way to understand executive functioning differences in neurodivergent kids. Michelle, being the education psychology nerd she is, thought it was a useful clinical framework. Megan, being Megan, had some feelings about it. Spoiler alert: the word "delay" does not sit well with someone who spent years feeling like they were broken.

We talk about why comparing your kid to some arbitrary average is a losing game, how to reframe expectations without lowering your standards, and why Megan thinks she is Chunky Monkey ice cream being forced to become vanilla. There is a great story about a friend who refused to check her kid's grades (and why that was the bravest parenting move ever), plus Michelle gets real about her worries sending her son Josh off to college with ADHD. Megan also has a moment where she completely loses her train of thought mid-conversation because her dog has a weird scab on his leg, which honestly is the most ADHD thing that has ever happened on this podcast.

We also get into stimulation needs (why some kids need YouTube playing to do math), radical acceptance with laundry, and a beautiful moment where Megan talks about learning to trust her own body with the help of her physical therapist Alsina. Grab a snack, settle in, and remember that your kid is exactly where they need to be.

Come hang with us on Discord! Megan posts puzzle content (yes, really), and it's where our community actually lives. https://discord.gg/m4RZNafj6

Watch Megan live on Twitch! Tuesday nights — community puzzles, great vibes, and you never know what's happening. https://www.twitch.tv/spicymeggo

On Apple Podcasts? Leaving a rating or review genuinely helps other neurospicy families find their way here. We'd love it. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-neurodiversity-the-spicy-brain-podcast/id1715944296

Timestamps

0:00 - Welcome back and shoutouts to our Twitch community1:22 - What we are reading: The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids2:46 - What does "developmental delay" actually mean?5:44 - Megan's honest reaction to the term "developmental delay"12:57 - The ice cream analogy: why Megan is Chunky Monkey, not vanilla15:37 - The strategy: shift your kid's age back 3 to 5 years and check your expectations20:47 - "Meet the